New Year Thoughts

Don't we all want to be a superman/superwoman? Save the world, make the world peaceful? New year, I often heard, "May the world be peaceful!"How exactly do we do that? As I grow, the realization comes to me that it's impossible to have a peaceful world. There are always disagreements between people, conflict of interest, quarrels, fights...not to mention wars and other social problems. I am not being pessimist, it's just a reality that happens everyday.

On a personal basis, I am glad that 2009 has been done and gone. I've had better year. I know I have a negative attitudes toward many aspects of life, but I hope to do better this year. So I have been hearing, "forget it", "let it go", "don't hold on to it", "don't let it affect your life"...truth is, yes, I do hold on to my conflicts, I do hold a grudge toward people who have been bad to me. Is it so hard to let go? No, but it isn't easy, either. I know God has a place for me and I have to empty myself and let Him fill me in. On one end, it is a matter of letting go and allow God to take hold of my life. On the other end, it's a battle between self and dignity. A long term suppression of anger finally breaks out. It's not so easy to forgive and forgive those who try to take the last bit of my kindness away. I will not be the target, I will not be the punching bag. Of course, this is the challenge that I will continue to face in 2010.

School, I need to graduate. Still need to take the finals from last quarters *great, carry-over*. Honestly, is it that I don't push myself enough or I push too hard and backfired? The tactic this year is too relax and at the same time, attempt everything possible. Relax means not to worry so much about the grade *I worried since the first day of the quarter* and not to stress out too much. Attempt everything possible means no more skipping class, no more excuses to do works...etc. I need to do everything in my power to achieve the best.

Tonight, I had a great time, but beyond the happy face, there's still a emptied, disappointed, depressed heart like always. I do believe that I am a happy person deep down, that is, deep deep deep down. Happiness is buried down lots and lots of misfortunes and miseries. Not trying to blame anything or anyone. Someday, I will come out.

Lately, Happy Twenty-Ten!

Let the new page begins~